Last night at trivia had a vibe to it… like something was going to happen. You could feel it in the air. Little things kept happening that seemed to portend bigger things to come. I forgot my wallet. A drunk girl brilliantly explained how she was a fantastic singer because she played clarinet in middle school and her dad was tall. But what did it all mean?

What it meant was, the Miller Lite Girls were in the house, raffling off quite a kickass prize. And after obediently buying a pitcher of Miller Lite (twist my arm) and receiving raffle tickets, and having Trivia Guru Bobby read one of my tickets’ numbers, it all fell into place.

World, prepare to have thine face rocked.

I won an electric guitar.

Oh, but not just any electric guitar, mind you. Oh no…

I won an o-riginal, 2005 edition, First Act Overtone, complete with Miller Lite polished-gold inlay sticker slapped right there on the front.

An original First Act Overtone, you say? Impossible, you say? Au contraire, I say:

The First Act Overtone has long held court in the kingdom of Supreme Guitar Asskickery, right alongside the Fender Strat and the Gibson Les Paul. But the Overtone, unlike it’s cousins-in-rock, takes it even further, because only it comes nestled neatly inside what heretofore shall be known as The Greatest Packaging Of All Time…

Bow before the First Act Overtone box. Shield thine eyes from it’s blazing splendor. One need look no farther than the Rock God right there on TGPAT to know that this isn’t your ordinary guitar. This mofo has rocked the face off the universe so hard, he turned everything, save the guitar, pure black and white. And with his Overture slung across him like former governor Jesse Ventura toted that big badass gatling cannon in Predator, no one, not even those lucky enough to survive the blast of that first E chord, no one will ever notice the large bald spot on top of his head.

You may also notice the First Act Overtone is “seen on TV”. This proves it’s the greatest guitar of all time. You ever see an ad for a Les Paul on TV? I rest my case.

I was ecstatic. But after getting my new baby home I realized: “Oh god, what about an amp? Will I not be able to start my world domination without one? Well, ladies and gents, the First Act people thought of that. And to my delight, they included, you guessed it, an amplifier right there in the box with the guitar! And it only needs two 9-volt batteries! Not only that, but it brings portability to a whole new level (Han Solo included for reference):

Unbelievable! I’ve had pieces of stool larger than that! But the amp, like the guitar, will not be denied in it’s mission to assist me in global rock brainfuckery.

Prepare thyself, world. Prepare thyself.