1. Elvis Presley - “In The Ghetto”
Cartman ruined this song for me forever. Although I always thought it was cheesy. Now “Suspicious Minds” - that’s a dadgum fine Fatelvis tune.

2. Van Halen - “Secrets”
Wow. I guess this on their greatest hits or something? I’ve never heard this. All I know is, when Van Halen was good, they were good (see “Hot For Teacher”, “Why Can’t This Be Love”); when they did songs like this, they were not good. Not close to good. Far from good. Bad, even.

3. Elvis Presley - “Viva Las Vegas”
This is more like it! A great Fatelvis tune. Sidenote: any time you get to see old TV footage of Elvis, don’t watch him - watch his backup band. High comedy.

4. Coolio - “Fantastic Voyage”
Some hip-hop just doesn’t age well. Coolio won a Grammy. Yeah.

5. Gram Parsons - “Brand New Heartache”
Gram Parsons is a legend. Supposedly.

6. The Flatlanders - “Keeper of the Mountain”
We’re in where-in-the-hell-did-I-get-this territory. Kind of a pretty song. Singer sounds kinda like Jimmie Dale Gilmore.

7. Dave Matthews Band - “True Reflection”
Doesn’t it seem like DMB is one of those groups you’re either supposed to really love or really hate? They’re pretty good (although few people would agree with me that “Don’t Drink The Water” is easily one of their best tunes) but they do enough for me to like ‘em and Dave’s cool acoustic guitar playing is more than sufficient to keep me from hatin’.

8. Boston - “Amanda”
This is a memory tune. Takes me back to our neighborhood pool circa ‘86. Scholz and company’s best effort at a pseudo-comeback. Nothing compares to their debut record a few years earlier though.

9. Don Henley - “Boys Of Summer”
A great tune. What? Say somethin’. Still, I’m kind of hoping for something from Tool or Faith No More for the last two to maintain at least a bit of my reputation - lest you start thinking I’m sensitive or some crap like that.

10. Dead Kennedys - “Holiday In Cambodia”
Heh heh! Ask and ye shall receive, no? Any song that has a part where you yell “Pol… Pot… Pol… Pot…” over and over has to be awesome. Bonus points since the singer’s name is “Jello”.

11. Better Than Ezra - “Heaven”
Will never, ever, ever, be a big concert draw or sell a ridiculous amount of records. But they’ve got a good menagerie of great tunes (their one hit, “Good” not among them). They’re kinda like Radiohead - huge hit in first album, then sort of changed styles a bit and so lost some core fanbase. Unlike Radiohead, though, BTE is not the greatest band on earth right now.