October 01, 2004
Tunes
Rise, Satan Rise (.mp3 128kb/sec, filesize: 616 kb)
A Tribute To The Office (.mp3 128kb/sec, filesize: 2,340 kb)
A Song About My Balls (.mp3 128kb/sec, filesize: 1,120 kb)
Another Song About My Balls (.mp3 128kb/sec, filesize: 2,190 kb)
A few little snippets of craptastic crap I did whilst playing with my buddy Scott's version of Apple's Garage Band software. All improv, if that's an excuse.
Springer (.wma 64kb/sec, filesize: 1,510 kb)
Co-written by Chip Houston. Chip and I spent a weekend up at his dad's mountain house in Jasper writing and recording. I can't say for sure, but I think that the only songs that came out of that weekend were "Springer" and "I Can Carry You", one of Chip's tunes from his album Chasing The Dark. I think this was supposed to be some sort of commentary on how trash TV has gotten so outrageous that even this guy, with his family's legacy, can't get on the Jerry Springer Show. There's a line in here about Uncle Tony cutting off his thumbs with the lawnmower while trying to clip some hedges. Apparently, this actually happened to someone in Chip's family. Wow. This is the 2nd of two songs submitted to mp3.com before it cleaned house.
Being Old Sucks (.wma 64kb/sec, filesize: 1,053 kb)
The first song I did for mp3.com. This is sort of my "signature" song for some reason. As with a lot of my lyrics I tried to write something serious about growing old and impending death but ended up with this light-hearted rant. Two other versions of this song exist: One is this version plus drum machine, one is a live version I performed at the Tron in Edinburgh back in 2001. Not sure where the "Frank Gifford" thing comes from.
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (.wma 128kb/sec, filesize: 1,159 kb)
DAve, age four. I think I really nailed the ending. Not sure what's with the smacking noises and exaggerated breaths that come between each line. Feel free to break this one out in late December over a glass o' egg nog.
Chip's Got A Little Bitty Penis (.wma 64kb/sec, filesize: 1,122 kb)
I can neither confirm nor deny with any certainty that Chip does, in fact, have a little bitty penis. This was some improvised crap I threw up during one of our Polo Club (Athens, GA) jam sessions. That's Kevin Lee (THE Kevin Lee) backing me up. Chip, Kevin and I had several days in Athens where we'd jam in the apartment, making stuff up or playing what we knew. I had my brother's drum set then. I wish I still did. This same day we butchered "All Along The Watchtower", ass-raped "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)", pissed all over Josh Joplin's "Fearless", and put 4 nine millimeter shells in the head of Barenaked Ladies' "One Week".
Blame It On El Niño (.wma 128kb/sec, filesize: 5,296 kb)
Back in 1997/98 everybody (ok, not everybody) was talking about El Niño, the warm water current that caused weather changes across the world. Around that same time it seemed like everyone famous was dying, so I (poorly) tied the two together. I have no good vocal takes of myself on tape anywhere, and this is by far the worst of all the not-good ones. I can't say for sure but this may have been another attempt to do some serious "butterfly-effect" song but it dissolved quickly.
Tenth Grade Booty Blues (.wma 64kb/sec, filesize: 3,059 kb)
A heh. Based on a true story. I was a junior (I think) in college and one night me and some friends (including some from Atlanta) went out. Now, one of the girls from Atlanta brought along her younger sister. Her 15-year old younger sister. Her 15-year old HOT AS BALLS sister. And dammmit if by the end of the evening she wasn't poutily eyeing me while fellating a Grill milkshake straw. I wish I could tell you there was a happy ending (before being arrested for statutory rape - I wasn't sure if her sister would go for us hooking up), but alas, I kept it in my pants. Found out later my buddy felt her up in the car back to my apartment. Bastard. That's Chip helping out on this song. I wish it were faster-paced... six minutes plus is too long. If there's one song I'd like to rerecord it's this one.
Halloween Song (.wma 64kb/sec, filesize: 1,598 kb)
A Chip and DAve holiday special. The Casio keyboard is the most underrated pseudo-drum machine ever made. I have to say that
If you don't like Halloween, you can get the hell outta my face... right now.is one of the greatest lines in music history.
Vampire Song (.wma 64kb/sec, filesize: 4,004 kb)
Dear God. Lessee, this was recorded at my parents' house, down in the basement. I (aka James Hetfield) was on vocals, Chip was on guitar, Justin was on drums and he didn't want to play drums, and this guy named Paul who had a huuuuuge wife and a huuuuuger mullet was on bass. He was a dang good bass player, though. This song WILL hurt your ears.
Old Man River by Gary (Dad) Akins (.wma 128kb/sec, filesize: 1,561 kb)
Here's Pops rippin' out an old standard. I present this just to demonstrate where my musical talent came from. My mom.
Flaming Mamie by Aunt Spot (.wma 128kb/sec, filesize: 1,310 kb)
Aunt Spot was a cool, cool lady. My mother's aunt, she lived with her husband on Signal Mountain (or was it Lookout Mountain?) in Chattanooga, TN. After she passed I found out that she had spent time as a singer/entertainer during the 30's and I like to imagine her on stage in some smoky speakeasy, entertaining the boys with with rather bawdy (for the time) tunes like this one. That's my older brothers in the background getting a kick out of it. Love this recording.
Cheapo Rap (.wma, 64kbps, filesize: 1906 kb)
Ben's Smoove Flow (.wma, 64kbps, filesize: 1415 kb)
Long before OutKast, Ludacris, Goodie Mob, and Jumaine Dupri were defining the A.T.L. hip-hop sound, my homeboy Croz and I were laying fat beats and topping them off with tha smoothest rhymes on the street. Didn't matter that we were both 12-year-old suburban white boys, oh no. We were DOPE. So here, for the first time ever, are two cuts from tha crew that would forever be known as Dave and Ben (NWA was already taken)
Posted by DAve at 10:19
About DAve
- You can reach me at dave(at)daveakins(dot)com.
- I'm
272829. - I share a birthday with Jimi Hendrix, Bruce Lee, and that guy that played Booger in "Revenge Of The Nerds".
- I am a Sagittarius… the most philosophical of all the signs. Anyway, I don't
believe in it. I think it's a bunch of bullshit, myself." - Jim Morrison - I love the Georgia Bulldogs, and they will kick your team’s ass. If by some miracle they don’t kick your
team’s ass it’s because they felt sorry for your sorry-ass team and let them win. - I hate people. People, not individuals, mind you. You’re OK.
- I’m a Christian libertarian. I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your own home and with whom. If
there is a God and he’s got his rules, then His punishment when you die will be
worse than anything government can devise, so keep that in mind. And shut up and
leave me alone. - I wipe front to back.
- I love playing softball and trivia (my nickname in high school was Cliff Clavin…
I hope I don’t have to explain that to you). - I think love is bitchin’.
- I’m the youngest of four boys. The brother closest to me in age is 12 years older.
My parents insist I wasn’t a mistake. - I like using “buttnugget” as an insult.
- I’ve got Scottish (Alba Go Bragh!) and French blood in me. And not the pansy,
white-flag flying, UN-fellating, snail-eating French, either. I’m talking about
the red-blooded, Swamp Fox of the Revolution, screw-you-French-government-we’re-taking-our-religion-to-America,
Huguenot French. - Thunderstorms scare me.
- If you’ve known me for any extended period of time, you have seen me eat a filthy,
disgusting amount of food that no sane person would consume in one sitting at
least once. - I don’t get women sometimes.
- I get beer.
- When giving advice, I tell people the truth, even when I know it’s not what he
or she wants to hear. - I broke my leg in half when I was two from my high chair tipping over. Dad says
I fell. I say I was pushed. - I represent the A.T.L.
- I am not done.
Posted by DAve at 10:15
